go do what you do best...puke behind churches
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
