And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
