Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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