Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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