omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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