Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
