He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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