I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
