You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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