I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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