Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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