Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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