Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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