I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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