This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
