I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
