I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
