he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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