I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
