She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
