Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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