why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
