So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
