theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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