i already hear my dad disowning me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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