Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
