My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
