not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
