the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
