threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
