Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
