I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
