Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
