dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
