Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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