so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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