Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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