glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Randomize
