she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Come share oat with me in your robe
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
