Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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