And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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