Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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