i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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