I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
