Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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