i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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