DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
