there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
