You made me cry and you don't even care
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
