I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize