Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
