and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
