I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
