Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
