Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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