I wanna bring you to show and tell
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
