Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
