so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
