we're making bets on your personal life
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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