i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
