i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Congratulations! We have a period
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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