remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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