Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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