Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
