Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
