i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
