did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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