and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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