We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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