I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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