Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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