It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
