well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
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My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
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Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.