The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A+ Viking dick
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."