Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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