I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
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Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.