Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.