In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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