I hate all girls vehemently.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
