She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
