I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
