Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
