You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
