I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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