this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
