He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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