I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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